A Taste of some Southern Cynicism
10.29.2012 - 12.30.2012
The two of us are driving to Houston right now. We've almost logged another 20 hours on the road, topping our mileage off around 8000. There's something that happens to your body after spending 20 hours sitting in a car seat. This is also the part where I tell you that our 1995 Chevy Astro Van doesn't have adjustable seats. We try to compensate for this by shoving our bed pillows behind our backs to create the illusion of comfort, which only fools us for about an hour. But back to the point, on long drives you spend the entire day listening to music, podcasts, or in our case, Pandora's selection of stand-up comedians. The only food you eat comes straight out of a car cooler that sits between the two front seats. It usually consists of soggy sandwiches, chips that don't require a cooler, and beer we can't drink until we're out of the car. Every now and then, you'll get a mysterious cramp in a muscle you didn't know about, and suddenly the car will swerve as you try to re-adjust from one awkward position to another. As you veer off the side of the road, the wheels run along the grated highway boundaries making a heinously loud sound, and letting the passenger know their driver has officially been spacing out.
Once you have overcome the hump of hour ten, the in-car stomach ache sets in. It's like your body begins to realize that you don't have terminal cancer and is wondering why you haven't moved in two days. I like to distract us from complaints by bringing up political questions that prompt a 20-minute-long discussion which ends in tension and a bad after-taste. Last night, I chose to ask Zac "without pigeon-holing either nationality, what do you think is the biggest difference between the way Americans and Australians live their lives?" 30 minutes later we were both defending our parents' misfortunes and upbringings. Mission accomplished
This drive in particular has graced us with a plethora of conservative brainwashing. Pro-life signs line the highways, complete with footnotes explaining that they are sponsored by the whatever local government deems their own political agendas worthy of taxpayer's dollars. We even passed one that said "Please stop porn, and the unborn." To me, stopping the unborn sounds like a warning cry for the to-be mother of the anti-christ. I'm still waiting to see the democratically funded sign that reads "Should have wrapped it before you tapped it," or "Abortion: All the cool kids are doing it." But oh yeah, those don't exist. The democrats are too busy fighting for civil rights and human equality. I wonder when they'll get their priorities straight. Sheesh.